loose summer ends
Sunday was my last Sunday at home.
Monday was my last Monday nannying.
And my summer is slowly and sweetly coming to an end. For the first time, I wasn't anxious all summer. I wasn't trying to get it over with, I wasn't waiting for school to start. God gave me a love for my boys and a missional heart to overwhelm them with His love and that was what I poured myself into this summer.
That, and go to a lot of weddings.
This weekend was my fourth wedding weekend in a row. A friend asked me if I'm sick of them, and honestly...I'm not. I can be quite vocal in my complaints about finding chalk and yellow heels, about taping table cloths down to tables and about making bouquets. And I really need to stop that. Because there is something about a wedding that gets me, and it's not really the groom's face when he sees his bride. It's not necessarily the pretty music or the teary toasts or the sacred vows. But those are nice.
I love weddings because I love seeing how it all ties together. I see newly married couples and I imagine their separate journeys, likely full of heartache and confusion. I envision them years ago sitting on their beds, wondering what in the world God was doing.
Because they're human, and we all do that.
And weddings are little fruits of His faithfulness. Little proofs that God was indeed moving during those times. And each wedding is a different story that reveals different aspects of His faithfulness and persevering love. And it's the weddings that so glorify Him--like the one I attended this weekend--that just make me smile. He is a God that can grow 7th grade puppy love into something greater and deeper and completely wrapped up in Him. He makes beautiful, beautiful things out of us.
Eventually (probably around midnight Saturday night) I will start packing to move my things back to Grace, one more time. I will get ANOTHER roommate and I am excited to pray for her, love her, and see what God does in her this year. I will plan another formal, make more stupid chapel announcements, send countless mass emails, and spend even more hours in the practice room. I will drink a lot of coffee. I will not get enough sleep, sprint across campus for something I forgot, and I will help another close, dear friend plan her wedding. I will start wearing makeup again (because really, what the point when the only people you see all day are 10 year-olds?) and possibly look nice even when I don't have a wedding or church. Lofty goals, I know.
Unfortunately, I will probably find myself sitting on my bed, wondering what God is doing. Because we all do that, remember? I wish I could say I won't question Him and that I won't wrestle with Him and that I'll never get angry when things don't go my way. I'll probably write more furious letters to friends about how I don't understand and about how He cannot possibly be working this for good. I may run away to Lincoln for a weekend when the Grace rules are stifling me and the girls' laughter is just too high-pitched for my ears...or when I buy a cute pair of short shorts that I want to wear without getting written up. I may go on a date or two, and I'll probably ruin them because I'm bad at that stuff. And I'm expecting at least one catastrophe per formal, because that's just how it goes.
I will give my senior recital, grab my diploma, sing my last choir song, and I will walk out into the world apparently better off once that piece of paper worth around $80,000 is in my hand with my name on it. It amazes me that life works like that. This world is funny.
I will hug Sarah real tight and watch her marry the man she loves. And...after that....if God says yes through prayer and eliminating about three hindrances standing in my way...I will (hopefully hopefully hopefully) fly to Boston alone. And spend my first free summer just serving. And BEING IN BOSTON. I will go on an adventure by myself because life is too short to wait for things like that.
And I love that plans change and that I could be here again next summer if God says no. And I will thank Him for guiding me even if Boston doesn't happen.
He guides us always. He moves always. So if you have your whole year planned out (or maybe even the next five years, or ten!...stop making the rest of us look like piles, please) or you may sound like a dummy when people ask you what you're going to do with your life, remember He doesn't leave us hanging. When we are ready and the world is ready He will astound us with something great.
And it may take a few lonely nights to get there. Formal disasters will happen and we may find ourselves behind the piano just to breathe. Sometimes we'll feel like no one gets it and our wrestling hearts just won't let those unanswered questions go.
This school year will be hard for all of us.
But guys, He is going to move.
And I love every single implication of that promise.
 |
| God reminding me He loves me in the church bathroom... Or a high school girl hoping to inspire females everywhere |
 |
| helping friends move: the perfect workout |
 |
| he's sad. really, he is. |
That, and go to a lot of weddings.
 |
I love weddings because I love seeing how it all ties together. I see newly married couples and I imagine their separate journeys, likely full of heartache and confusion. I envision them years ago sitting on their beds, wondering what in the world God was doing.
Because they're human, and we all do that.
And weddings are little fruits of His faithfulness. Little proofs that God was indeed moving during those times. And each wedding is a different story that reveals different aspects of His faithfulness and persevering love. And it's the weddings that so glorify Him--like the one I attended this weekend--that just make me smile. He is a God that can grow 7th grade puppy love into something greater and deeper and completely wrapped up in Him. He makes beautiful, beautiful things out of us.
Eventually (probably around midnight Saturday night) I will start packing to move my things back to Grace, one more time. I will get ANOTHER roommate and I am excited to pray for her, love her, and see what God does in her this year. I will plan another formal, make more stupid chapel announcements, send countless mass emails, and spend even more hours in the practice room. I will drink a lot of coffee. I will not get enough sleep, sprint across campus for something I forgot, and I will help another close, dear friend plan her wedding. I will start wearing makeup again (because really, what the point when the only people you see all day are 10 year-olds?) and possibly look nice even when I don't have a wedding or church. Lofty goals, I know.
Unfortunately, I will probably find myself sitting on my bed, wondering what God is doing. Because we all do that, remember? I wish I could say I won't question Him and that I won't wrestle with Him and that I'll never get angry when things don't go my way. I'll probably write more furious letters to friends about how I don't understand and about how He cannot possibly be working this for good. I may run away to Lincoln for a weekend when the Grace rules are stifling me and the girls' laughter is just too high-pitched for my ears...or when I buy a cute pair of short shorts that I want to wear without getting written up. I may go on a date or two, and I'll probably ruin them because I'm bad at that stuff. And I'm expecting at least one catastrophe per formal, because that's just how it goes.
I will give my senior recital, grab my diploma, sing my last choir song, and I will walk out into the world apparently better off once that piece of paper worth around $80,000 is in my hand with my name on it. It amazes me that life works like that. This world is funny.
I will hug Sarah real tight and watch her marry the man she loves. And...after that....if God says yes through prayer and eliminating about three hindrances standing in my way...I will (hopefully hopefully hopefully) fly to Boston alone. And spend my first free summer just serving. And BEING IN BOSTON. I will go on an adventure by myself because life is too short to wait for things like that.
And I love that plans change and that I could be here again next summer if God says no. And I will thank Him for guiding me even if Boston doesn't happen.
He guides us always. He moves always. So if you have your whole year planned out (or maybe even the next five years, or ten!...stop making the rest of us look like piles, please) or you may sound like a dummy when people ask you what you're going to do with your life, remember He doesn't leave us hanging. When we are ready and the world is ready He will astound us with something great.
And it may take a few lonely nights to get there. Formal disasters will happen and we may find ourselves behind the piano just to breathe. Sometimes we'll feel like no one gets it and our wrestling hearts just won't let those unanswered questions go.
This school year will be hard for all of us.
But guys, He is going to move.
And I love every single implication of that promise.
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