unwanted returns and unflattering rompers

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I'm back at Grace, for one more round.

I HAVE SO MANY CLOTHES & SHOES
and i would call this a duck lip success. finally.

I'm not going to lie, I didn't really want to come back. I had gotten into my routine of summer and I had my worries about this year. About leading and about if my heart is ready for something like this. I think I knew God was going to do something, and I didn't feel quite worthy to be apart of--much less help lead--it all.

But I packed and sent excited texts to friends I'd see soon and forced a smile when people asked me if I was excited to move back. And I'm actually lying when I said I packed. I ignored packing like the plague. My parents said, "We are leaving in an hour" and I frantically threw my things into boxes and suitcases and hoped I brought it all. Packing meant acknowledging I was coming back. And I like living in alternate realities if I don't like the one I'm in. Like when it's hot outside and I wear sweaters and watch Christmas movies and drink hot chocolate. One of those things.

Honestly, I couldn't think of anything I'd rather NOT do than come back. I would go on a date to the zoo again. I would wear my choir dress for a week. I would LISTEN TO ONLY NICKELBACK FOREVER if it meant I didn't have to come back! I left Grace on a bad foot last year (and a bad hand). And I didn't know what returning would mean.

But this morning I woke up early and wrote to Him. And I asked Him for motivation despite my apathy. For a desire for Him despite my longing for answers. For a heart that prays instead of a heart that complains.

And I definitely asked Him to never let bed bugs into my room.

I'm itchy just looking at it.

And as I prayed, a peace settled over me. And actual excitement! Today our campus prayed together and anticipated what God would do. We talked logistics like campout dates and formal themes. And I actually got excited.

Plus, senior year rocks. I have lost hope of any Grace boy impressing me so my ulterior motives for looking good in the recent years are being revealed as my hope dwindles:
exhibit A
maybe it will look better sitting down?
nope.

but it's so comfy and grace approved.
BONUS: no freshman boy will flirt with me this year!

The benefits of this concept just keep sweetly coming like thick honey. Singing "Christmas Shoes" in the stairwell simply because it is stuck in my head with no worry of being embarrassed. Not having to do my hair if I don't feel like it. I will make every stupid joke I want when I give announcements in chapel, and I won't care if you laugh or not. And I will wear rompers from the Bahamas. Because I love it.

AND I LOVE BEING A SENIOR!

Tonight I took advantage of the heavenly weather and took my first downtown run of the school year. And I remembered why I LOVE running downtown.






And I came back and went into my most favorite room on campus.
MY BABY

love love love love

love gush photo shoots of my piano while in my Bahamas romper  = fave

recital prep

my "I'm back in my practice room so I'm smiling so big it hurts" smile

This past week was a week of lasts. Last hours at Red Mango, last family board games, last fights with my mom.

Last pool days.

andrea & i know where the nude pools are in O-town

Last West Omaha runs.


WHAT IS THIS? FALL?!?!?!

still getting over this.

Final bike ride adventures.


whitney, stop it. the sun hurts!




"i've eaten them before and haven't died ya baby."


I drove the boys quietly home after our last outing. There was a pressing question on my mind. Something I needed to know before I left them and prayed that my seeds would take root. One thing I just had to hear from their mouths.

Boys, if someone asked you who God is, what would you say?

 I needed to know they at least knew. I needed to know that this summer wasn't just full of laughs & Olympics & bowling. I needed to know that I helped create a clearer picture of our God. I could not go back to Grace without knowing they knew. And I listened to their innocent--and beautiful--answers. And I told them my own, holding back the tears as I finished mine off with, "...and He always knows what He is doing. I love that about Him. Life is confusing and messy but He is like the author of a mystery story, mischeviously revealing only certain parts to us at a time. But His ending always blows our minds. You guys will remember that He loves you always, right? You cannot ever forget that."

They promised they wouldn't forget, and one of them beautifully declared:

Yeah, if someone asked me who God was, I'm not sure exactly what I would say. But it would be something good, really good. Because He is really good.




 A smile came across my face, and all I could say was, Amen.

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