limited

Life has been mellow lately. But craziness is coming. It is stirring in my heart and electrifying the air. Sarah and I have been sensing it. We’re not quite sure what it all entails. But we know that we have got to be ready. I feel it inching in, and I’m ok with it. Craziness can make for a lot of stress, a lot of tears, and a lot of confusion. And that is ok. Bring it on. I’m ready.

I’m moving out in two days and have I touched a thing?

No.

Have I thought about it? No.

Have I thought about thinking about it? A little.

But my room is clean, my gums are closing up from the horrors that were done to them a week ago, and I’m getting my eyebrows waxed tomorrow. I’m keeping everything I can under control. But I feel it all slipping…and it’s scary.

Good scary.

I hear people talking about waiting a lot lately. I just read this really great poem on it. I see facebook statuses of broken-hearted girls proclaiming they will wait patiently for their husbands. Friends are waiting for job schedules to change. I am waiting for the semester to START. Diseased bodies are waiting to be healed. I read books telling us to wait until marriage.

We wait for so many things. For great jobs and great opportunities. We wait for the “right one” that we convince ourselves exists. We wait for reconciliation with a friend, we wait for an answer. We wait for a reason. We wait for the trial to pass, we wait for the day when we finally won’t struggle with this any more.

And I grow weary when I even hear the word, “wait.” But on the nights that I cannot handle anything but Psalms, I read of the poets' strength, hope, and trust gained through their wait.

And I realize I have not been waiting for what they are waiting for. They are waiting for the Lord. For the salvation that comes under the mighty wings of a holy God. A salvation that may not be material at all. They have realized that waiting for anything else is futile. Anything else isn’t even worthy of waiting.

You may never be reconciled with your friend. My trial may never pass. Unfortunately enough for those poor facebook girls, their Mr. Right may never knock at their door. Disease will take the lives of millions of praying Christians waiting for a miracle.

But I find that when I wait for the Lord, I am never disappointed. He always comes. Every time. And there may be healing for the sick, there may be answers revealed, there may be (gasp!) even husbands for us when He comes. But we are not waiting for those. Sometimes His arrival just consists of intimacy. Sometimes it is just a deep and profound contentment of knowing He is here. Sometimes it is the beauty of hearing the beat of His heart. Or realizing the depth of His love.

And so when I am itching for new scenery. When I beg for the summer to get over FASTER. When I just want to not struggle with this. I will wait for Him. And He will come, like He always does. And I will love getting my hopes up in Him.

The enemy of my soul says God is holding out on me.

But I will not believe that.

I will wait for Him.

I will wait for His salvation.

I will wait for the craziness while enjoying the current peace.

And, not going to lie, I will probably wait until the very last minute to pack.