It’s definitely a piano Pandora station night. Because I haven’t heard enough piano playing today after practicing for over 3 hours…clearly. But lyrics and I aren’t very good friends today because they keep distracting me.
I just had a long talk with a friend over an embarrassingly large bowl of frozen yogurt. And instead of being relaxing and unwinding, it stressed me out. I told him some things, some issues. And unlike most people that I tell, he asked the question.
What are you going to do, Whitney?
Uhh…
I told him I didn’t know. But he asked me again. What are you going to DO? And I realized that this whole time I’ve been wishing that it will all fall into my lap. But maybe I have to do something. Maybe life isn’t about sitting back and waiting. But then the sovereignty of God and His will came to mind, and I got very, very confused.
I told him every time he asked me that I didn’t know. I don’t know. And all at once I feel like I have plenty of time and simultaneously feeling like I am running out of it.
We had these freshman girls watch a movie in our room last night. They are so cute. And I don’t want to feel all high and mighty but I just desperately wanted to mentor all of them. Give a long speech on the futility of trying to get boys, the hopelessness that comes from doing life on our own, and the misery that comes from living for yourself. Yes, I would definitely do some things differently if I started college over again as an 18 year-old. Two years have stretched my soul farther than I thought possible. And I just want them to get that.
But part of me knows they will probably only get that understanding from the experiences of the futility, the hopelessness, and the misery. They will get their consequences when they do not obey, they will feel the lack of peace when they do not trust, and they will feel lonely when they are not intimate with Him. And unfortunately, often times experiencing what happens when we do life wrong is the only way we learn how to do life right.
What are you going to do, Whitney?
Stop asking me!
Actually, I have my answer. I am going to obey Him. I am going to do His work. I am going to serve, I am going to pursue intimacy with Him. I am going to follow His path, even if that leads right into suffering. I am going to tell others of His faithfulness and holiness. I am going to start and end every day with Him.
I am going to practice piano. I am going to do my homework. I am going to plan those formals.
I may have to have awkward and disappointing conversations if He leads me there. I’ve had some practice in that area…
I am going to listen and obey and let Him calm my heart.
That’s what I’m going to do.

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