By -

Frozen yogurt is draining me from life’s figurative yogurt machine.

Thank goodness I start nannying in two days when I can read, and sit for more than 15 minutes a day. And you know it’s something when I say the words “thank goodness I start nannying…” in that order together.

Once again, I find myself unwanting to spend time with Him, not because I don’t love Him or am feeling dry. He has been so great to me. And today during my break, I ate outside and just sat in His goodness and let the sun warm me. I love Him, I do.

But I do hate feeling burdensome to Him. Feeling like I have all these problems every day. And sometimes I honestly just don’t want to deal with them. I am annoyed with myself, He has to be annoyed with me too. And all the thoughts and wrestle matches that are occurring in my head must disappoint Him so much. He knows I can do better. And though the recent days haven’t been filled with as many tears as they had been, part of me just wonders if that is just me sick of thinking about everything. Ignorance isn’t exactly bliss, but it helps.

But then I remember my lunch break today. I didn’t have to say anything to Him. I just sat there, with a grateful spirit, knowing I was in His presence. And it was perfect. I was still. I wasn’t letting my heart and mind wrestle with each other. I just let Him pour into my heart.

So maybe I’ll just do that tonight. Journaling can wait. Again.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

limited

By -
It's the end of June, and our windows are open. After a string of endless rainy days, sopping and muddy, the sun--our knight in shining armor--emerged without its normal end-of-June heat. And so, the windows are open. My daughter has been asleep for awhile, my husband is riding his bike through the glory of a Minnesota summer's evening, and I sit listening to the clock tick, the birds talk, the cars hum. The background noises of life which I usually drown out with music or a podcast or a babbling toddler demand their attention now, greedy backup singers stealing their solos. Last night I spent time with some newer ladies in my life, none of which had kids. I was relieved to find myself able to relate to childless peers as most of my current friends have children who tend to dominate our conversations. We talked of refugees and politics and international students in Mankato. We talked of life plans and I actually enjoyed not lamenting the current 2-1 nap transition ...
Read more
By -
It’s Leap Day. I was excited for today. I love odd, random, extra things. I woke up energized and determined and ready. I woke up and wrote in my journal, “God, I want today to be purposeful and intentional. It’s Leap Day! This date only happens once every four years, let’s make it count. Let’s make it good.” So I leaped out of bed (get it) and was READY for my day. So ready that I had my favorite breakfast and even worked out and showered before my day started. Today is going to rock! … So, I can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe it’s the fact that my poor water bottle is still MIA, or that I had to purchase my 3 rd key card of the semester because mine was lost, that I left my purse in my room and had no chapstick all day, or that after I purchased my new key card, I was texted by the mom I babysit for, saying she found it. Or maybe it was just that it was so windy. And wind makes me want to blow up an orphanage. I don’t know WHAT it was. But today was off. Like, ...
Read more

pointless stories that falsely sound symbolic

By -
Image
I got caught between Summer and Fall's loud argument on my run today, as the summer sun singed my skin and the fall breeze tousled my hair. Summer is like that crazy aunt who won't leave when the party is clearly over. And the entire universe is getting sick of pleasantries and manners. Fall is about to take its predecessor's spotlight, and I was running through the midst of the awkward and marvelous conversation. And I don't like confrontation, but something about saying one final good-bye to heat and sweat, while simultaneously greeting the fall's cool temperatures was nothing like the usual disagreements I generally ignore. So I ran through the seasons' quarrel and John Piper was getting passionate. I smiled as the pain my stomach from the numerous potato chips I regretfully consumed the night before while camping subsided. I smiled because my miles to go were dwindling. I smiled because Fall was clearly winning this dispute I was caught between. I smiled ...
Read more