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I was in the car last night driving home, and all of a sudden I was hit..no, that's not the right word. I was bombarded with this thought:

I am an awful daughter.

Not to my parents, though they may attest to this sometimes. But to my King. I am such an awful daughter. I think of every time I don't trust though He is in control. Of every time I complain though He has blessed me beyond measure. Of every time I doubt though He has done miracles in my life.

Tears flooded my eyes as I thought of how pure, good, wonderful, and well-intended He is. And how dirty, selfish, bratty, and ill-intended I am. He doesn't deserve to have me as His daughter. What have I done? What have I put Him through? How can I say I want to please Him when I act the way I do?

I just started praying out loud.

Lord, I'm so sorry. So sorry...I don't deserve to be Your daughter. You are so worthy, and I am not. I've been doing this all wrong. I don't know how to do this, and I've been asking everyone but You. Why didn't I ask You sooner? Oh, Lord, I'm so sorry. Show me how to do this. How to live. Because I can't and I don't know how. But You do and You want to show me. Just..please. Please don't give up on me. I know I'm going to keep failing. Please...don't give up on me. I have doubted Your power; I haven't believed You can do what You say You can. But I want to. I'm sick of focusing on me. There is no one else, there is nothing else. Only You. I'm done trying. Live through me. Teach me everything You possibly can through this. I want to learn. I want to change. Just, whatever You do, please don't give up on me.

Last time I prayed something along these lines, God rocked my world.

My heart skips a beat thinking about Him doing it again.


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