a change of pace

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Today I moved home.

I have a lot of stuff.

I was going through all my stuff, and I’m realizing how little of that stuff I actually need. I mean, honestly. One night I stayed at home unexpectedly, so I didn’t bring anything with me. Literally just the clothes on my back. And I was fine. I stopped at WalMart to get some contact solution and I was good.

Yet, on the way home from baby-sitting today, I had this urge to stop at Target and do some shopping. Why? You should see my closet. It is FULL. Granted, I need to get rid of some things I don’t wear anymore. But still, there are so many clothes in that closet, why do I always want to buy new and different things?

I think it’s because I don’t want to be the same. I hate monotony. Do I not like my old clothes? No, I just like new ones. Fresh ones. I constantly change my hair style, my makeup, my routine, and my music taste. I get bored.

I’m bored.

Not with my closet, not with my makeup or my music. With myself. I went through a major personality makeover about a year and a half ago. God did some major work in me, and I was constantly learning new things and changing. Becoming better. I loved the feeling of knowing God was changing me. Knowing I was different than the day before.

I feel like I’ve hit a plateau. I want to keep changing and growing, but I feel stuck in the same spot. Dealing with the same issues and circumstances as I dealt with six months ago. I’m sick of it.

I think my desire for this summer is that God will change me. Just because He’s changed me before doesn’t mean I’m done. I know I have a long way to go. I want to move back into the dorms in August and feel different. Be different. I don’t really know how, but I know that I want God to change me, shape me into someone more like Him. Less selfish, more trusting, whatever.

I just want to change.

Speaking of which, I’m going to go change my clothes. I’ve been in these much too long.

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