whitney dziurawiec

Today a friend called me to update me on her life. These calls have lately just become emotional prayer requests that usually end with both of us in tears. My heart breaks for her. I am always humbled when she tells me of her life. How dare I complain or even have a bad attitude when here is a life far less "fortunate" right in front of my eyes? Fortunate. I think sometimes we give too many things over to luck. See that girl? She is the unlucky one whose parents are going through a divorce. That boy's the unfortunate one whose brother died. I'm realizing more and more that this world has nothing to do with luck, as cliche as that sounds. I have certain struggles, you have certain struggles; these weren't handed out randomly at the beginning of time. God doesn't say, "I think that Whitney needs to go through a trial right about now. Let's....put her in a car accident. Yes, that's good." No, I believe there is a reason far more beautiful. This ...

I was in the car last night driving home, and all of a sudden I was hit..no, that's not the right word. I was bombarded with this thought: I am an awful daughter. Not to my parents, though they may attest to this sometimes. But to my King. I am such an awful daughter. I think of every time I don't trust though He is in control. Of every time I complain though He has blessed me beyond measure. Of every time I doubt though He has done miracles in my life. Tears flooded my eyes as I thought of how pure, good, wonderful, and well-intended He is. And how dirty, selfish, bratty, and ill-intended I am. He doesn't deserve to have me as His daughter. What have I done? What have I put Him through? How can I say I want to please Him when I act the way I do? I just started praying out loud. Lord, I'm so sorry. So sorry...I don't deserve to be Your daughter. You are so worthy, and I am not. I've been doing this all wrong. I don't know how to do this, and I've been as...

I have a lot of things on my mind right now. Like, I need a second job this summer. And, I don't know how to pick up people from the airport, and I have to do it twice in the next week. And I wish I had been able to run today, but it was cold and rainy. And (this is embarrassing) I have to let my armpit hair grow out for my cousin to wax them. And it's driving me crazy . And my weekend is going to be super busy. And I'm restless from not doing anything today. Did I mention I need a second job this summer? In the midst of my nothingness of today, I reread one of my old journals. Actually, it was my journal from about a year ago. I had forgotten how anxious I was. How worried I was. How un-peaceful I was. I was just restless all the time. I don't really know how to describe it. A day like today would have driven me crazy. My heart just would not have been at rest. Not that I exactly handled today perfectly. No, I probably could have done something more efficient. I probab...

Today was one of those days you imagine summer to be. I lazily woke up, did some facebook, made a breakfast burrito, laid out on the roof while listening to music, ate ice cream, took a bubble bath, and watched a movie until midnight. All of these were done in the company of two of my best friends. This was an elementary-aged summer day. It was perfect. I love those times when I’m reminded of God’s calling on my life. I led worship tonight at youth group, like I do every Tusday night. But tonight was just one of those nights where, as I was sitting at the piano, worshipping, I just knew that was what I was supposed to be doing. I was at peace doing what I love to do. I could almost hear Him whisper in my ear, “This is what you’re made for.” Tonight was also the “sex talk” night at youth group. As the girls asked their questions, I felt awkwardly inadequate. Honestly, I have no idea what I’m talking about. I have no experience, no personal situations that would help my girls throug...

Today my friend and I were driving along Center street and saw flowers in a field right along the road. We stopped to pick them. Everyone was looking at us, on the side of Center street picking flowers, like we were crazy. But we weren't crazy. We saw pretty flowers and we wanted them. There is nothing crazy about that. I'm not exactly an expert on flower names, but I know one of them is a lilac. The beautiful arrangement is sitting proudly on my dresser. It's funny how no matter what color the flowers are, they always go with the scheme of the room. Always. Anyways, I don't now how long they'll last. Like I said before, I'm no expert. They could die tomorrow. Who knows how many bugs came with the flowers; I already found one crawling across my floor. They'll probably look ugly in a few days, and I'll have to throw them out. But for now, my room smells fantastic. Like a garden.

Today I moved home. I have a lot of stuff. I was going through all my stuff, and I’m realizing how little of that stuff I actually need. I mean, honestly. One night I stayed at home unexpectedly, so I didn’t bring anything with me. Literally just the clothes on my back. And I was fine. I stopped at WalMart to get some contact solution and I was good. Yet, on the way home from baby-sitting today, I had this urge to stop at Target and do some shopping. Why? You should see my closet. It is FULL. Granted, I need to get rid of some things I don’t wear anymore. But still, there are so many clothes in that closet, why do I always want to buy new and different things? I think it’s because I don’t want to be the same. I hate monotony. Do I not like my old clothes? No, I just like new ones. Fresh ones. I constantly change my hair style, my makeup, my routine, and my music taste. I get bored. I’m bored. Not with my closet, not with my makeup or my music. With myself. I went through a ...

I'm just frustrated right now. About a lot of things. My jumbly mind is especially out of control tonight. For most people, the hardest part about going through a trial in their lives is the pain. And the pain is hard. But one can get used to the pain when it stays for years. I’ve learned to laugh through pain, worship through pain, and help others through pain. Life can go on with pain. It’s the monotony of the same pain. When you pour out your heart to a friend and you realize it’s the same thing you said last time. And they reply with the same answer. Trust God. Enjoy this time in your life. Be patient; it will come. I’m not saying these are bad answers; they aren’t. It’s just, for some reason, even though my pain is the same, it always renews itself. It feels different today even though it may be for the exact same reasons and result from the exact same circumstances as yesterday. Yet, your answers are chillingly repetitive. My pain has taken a different shape, b...