V is very, very extraordinary

It’s one of those days where I’m tired and I am fed up with all the pop-ups on my computer telling me

YOU MUST SCAN YOUR COMPUTER NOW

YOUR COMPUTER SOFTWARE IS AT RISK

UPDATES ARE AVAILABLE

So today I was stupid and was all like, Crap! Okay, scan me up, unknown scanner…thing. Fix my computer!

I somehow ended up on a website wanting me to pay this monthly fee; I don’t do monthly fees yo. Thank goodness that got me out of my pop-up softie stupor.

Well I’m sitting here in my unbelievably messy room (I PROMISE I have been good with keeping my room clean this summer, it’s just been bad the last few days STOPJUDGINGME). And it’s one of those sunny rainy sunsetty days so my lights are off and I’m staring outside, fascinated.

And fascinated by more than just sunny thunderstorms.

This past year, I think God must have been like, “Okay. This year, let’s teach Whitney about LOVE. Pop some popcorn, Gabriel, and grab the Kleenexes because this is going to be hilarious and devastating and beautiful.”

And that’s what He did. He drug me through the valleys of love and carried me through its mountaintops. I was thrust into the depths that love is and was ruined by it. He showed me it is much more than being kind. Much more than not getting angry or extending forgiveness. It is constant, it is necessary. It is completely unselfish and entirely unrelenting. It does not, will not stop. He showed me the mess that I make when I try to love and the beauty and impossibility and perfection that His love actually is. I’m talking about loving roommates, long-distance friends, brothers, parents, Grace University, my youth kids, my married/engaged friends, unbelievers, those that annoy me, those that threaten my peace, my church body, my nanny kids, and  yes, even the mystery and disarray of loving a boy.  God dumped into my lap opportunity after opportunity to love.

And it was a mess. Every person we love is different and we must figure out the best ways to love them. I was so bad at this! I wish I could tell you I mastered the art that is loving your neighbor but I did not. That’s not what this year was about. Maybe that’s level 2. Maybe I’ll get good at it eventually, but this year was about the basics. It was about learning what love is.

I’m going to a lot of weddings this summer and I’m sure you are too so you’ll hear this verse an exponential amount of times so I’m sorry for injecting it into your life once more (but it is the Word of God so don’t give me that look!) But tucked away in that beautiful, over-read and yet so misunderstood passage of 1 Corinthians 13, this phrase jumps out at me.

Love is not self-seeking.

We don’t understand this. I don’t understand this. I give you a birthday gift and I expect one in return. I befriend you and your butt better be there when I fall down too. I pay for your Red Mango because you forgot your money and you better give me that money right when we get home. I write you a note, and I expect a thank-you. I love you; you better love me back!

And so many times I was loved back. I had friends drive around me for hours after a horrible circumstance; friends just sit on the bed and let me cry. I had friends buy me flowers, write me notes, give me hugs, and tell me I’m great.

I like that love. We all do. Those are the people who make us sing that all we need is love. We experience those, and we want to skip off into the distance shouting the last verse of 1 Corinthians 13:

THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE.

But guys. Love often goes unreciprocated. It can and will at some point return with no fruit, no thank-you, no acknowledgement. We can pour our hearts into someone we care about deeply and they may give us a smile and a head nod and move along.

And if we do not understand what love is, this unreturned love will be draining and unsatisfying and miserable.

We forget that love is not defined by the action followed. Love is love whether it is returned in full with flowers and candy, or whether it is unnoticed and unappreciated. Love is actually the lowest state we can be in. It is the most selfless of stages our heart enters. When we choose to love, we are choosing others instead of ourselves. It is a commitment to lowliness, a vow to unselfishness and a release of the dangerous entitlement of thank-you notes and public acknowledgements. It is that of a servant. It is the picture of a man washing another’s feet; a man with no place to lay His head; a man offering Living Water to an unworthy woman.

A Man on a cross for the ones nailing Him up there.

We forget the verses that say the first shall be last, the humbled shall be exalted. Jesus was all about flip flopping statuses and reversing social roles. The lasts are first for our sweet Jesus, those that are honored can take a backseat. It is the poor in spirit that will receive the kingdom of heaven. The hungry that will be filled.

And so OF COURSE His Spirit would inspire Paul to write that there are three really awesome things in life. Faith—a noble and honoring attribute that has its own hall of fame in Hebrews, hope—a happy, fuzzy knowing of God’s sovereign and GOOD plan for our future, and LOVE—the selfless, chaotic, usually painful and often not mutual choice to lay aside our desires and needs and put another sinner’s above our own. Umm, if I got to choose a favorite, I’d probably pick hope. I like hope. It makes me feel good and smile (besides, we all know I look PISSED when I’m not smiling). Or faith. Faith is courageous and usually ends up with some adventurous and crazy story that proves God’s general awesomeness.

But love? Love is completely opposite from what is natural. Love makes me cry as much as it makes me smile. Love causes me to die. Love reveals so much sin in my heart that I didn’t realize was there. Love is the lowest of these attributes.

And friends, that is why it is the greatest.

This year I have received public acknowledgements as rewards for love. And I have had my love be completely and blatantly rejected. But both were absolutely wonderful. Both loves were well worth it because love in itself is worth it, not the response. Love deepens our hearts, it releases the bondages of entitlement and that horrible attitude of being self-seeking. And it shows us how perfectly we are loved.

He loves us so.

I used to be that person that NEVER wanted to just be a stay-at-home mom. I wanted adventure; I wanted to do something great. Something worthwhile. Sitting at home doing laundry? Are you KIDDING ME?! Get me out into a jungle saving orphans. Let me refine my Spanish skills and take me back to Mexico. Get me involved in a ministry and I’ll do service projects and tell people about Jesus and watch God do amazing things. I’ve wanted to do something GREAT.

But I’m realizing that we put SO MUCH weight on doing something amazing, something that “changes the world”. People go out and do World Races, they go on crazy vacations, set missions trip goals for themselves and the word “settle down” is more offensive than the F word to me, for real.

But the fact of the matter is that I have friends that have grand goals for themselves. Teaching in Africa, helping at orphanages in Haiti, spreading the Gospel in Laos. A friend with cerebral palsy that wants to be a lawyer, a friend who wants to be a worldwide reporter. They are crazy! They will buy plane tickets and build mud houses for themselves and astound the world with their faith. I have friends who are struggling with impossible trials with no end in sight and not a hint of relief from their misery. They will choose trust and peace. And they will astonish us with their hope.  And…I have friends that will probably stay in Omaha. Who will set up cute homes for themselves and choose things like curtains and mailboxes and be soccer moms and have Memorial Day cookouts. But these friends are some of the greatest lovers I know. They will be selfless with their spouses and their children. They will be great lights to their neighbors and everyone they come in contact with.

Why are we not astounded by their love? Maybe they, deep down in their hearts, feel like their task in life is not as great as that of a missionary or a pastor. They accept their duty as sub-par and admit to not choosing the adventurous route. And in that moment of admission they doom themselves to just that: a life of settling.

After having a crash course in love this year, let me tell you that love is an adventure whether it is in Omaha or Africa. If you’re loving, and REALLY loving, God is going to show up. He is, I promise.

I am rambling now, but I am realizing that it is not a competition to be the greatest, or most adventurous. We cannot come back to reunions hoping we have the craziest stories. Goodness, that’s not what He desires for us.

 We could end up on a European expedition for the Gospel, or an Asian adventure with the underground church. Or we could make our recently-divorced neighbor feel loved.

Which of those is the greatest?

The Jesus I know would say...the one that is done in love.

I still don’t get love. And I’m definitely not good at it. It terrifies me to keep putting my heart out there knowing the shadows of unacknowledgement could be looming at the tail end of it. But there is something about it that is worth it. Something that astounds me. Something that drenches me in the love of my Savior and, soaking wet, I am ready to soak my world—wherever it is—with the rain that will quench the thirstiest of souls and clean the dirtiest of hearts.

For the glory of our Savior, whose name is, in fact, Love.