it's a no

Other than horrible Mary Kay parties,

There are a lot of things making me smile right now.

smiling

At the top of the list is Tyler.

Tyler is a boy who my little brother led to Jesus. He has been in our youth group, soaking up the Word and chasing after God for the past two years. Normally I am cynical about teenage boys, but this one is great. He hasn’t been at youth group the past few months since he got a girlfriend, and we all have been worried. The guy leaders have been contacting him with little to no reply, his friends have been trying to hang out with little response.

We have been praying. A lot.

And just yesterday, Tyler came to Worlds of Fun with us. He has been talking to our youth leader. He is coming back!

in between tyler (left) and my brother (right)
sooo happy

We are praising God for answered prayers.

Other answered prayers include me NOT throwing up after doing all the spinning rides the kids insisted I go on. I’m not sure which is worse: that they tried using YOLO as a viable argument, or that it convinced me. Nonetheless, I found myself being whipped around while my stomach was trying to hold in the French toast my mom made us for breakfast as celebration for Worlds of Fun day (it’s a big deal for our family).

Answered prayer includes the fact that none of us got speeding tickets on the way down there, and that I didn’t collapse from dehydration from the lack of water and excess of funnel cake.

deliciousness, powdered sugar, & clogged arteries

(can I just say my mom is currently in the hallway singing “Paradise” by Coldplay? Here it is, it will get in your head and never leave.)

                                             also, I really love elephants now. like, really.

More answered prayer: I ran nine miles today. I wish I could be all cool about it and be like, yeah, it’s whatever. But I was nervous for it. 9 miles is just as much of a miracle to me as the fact that I didn’t spew funnel cake all over my youth kids during Cyclone Sam.

me if God hadn't intervened and calmed my stomach acids

Answered prayer is great. I love hearing stories of God’s answers and the beauty and classiness in which He does so. Bringing Tyler back, getting to tell my nanny boys about Jesus, NOT having to pay $430 for my car to be fixed because my grandpa is a boss. I love those. Ask me any time about formal (have I written a blog about formal yet?! I’m going to have to sometime, it is absolutely wonderful) and about my old friend from work who finally started praying. Our God is a God who responds to prayer. He hears.

And two nights ago, I experienced this reality in a new light.

I experienced God saying no.

And it wasn’t something like, “Oh God can I get a close parking spot at Target because I’m running late?” and it definitely wasn’t “God if I throw up funnel cake on Cyclone Sam, I would be mortified because the employee running this ride is really cute…” type of prayer. I am talking about over a year of being on my knees. Many times tear-filled, emotional prayers. Praying and believing. And for months, I really thought He was slowly answering it. I believed it was going to happen, guys. I knew. I held fast to my prayers really changing things. I held my hope high and I somehow knew. And it wasn’t just for me. It was for His glory. I was praying for this to further His kingdom!

And God still answered no.

And with a gut-punch and the wind knocked out of me, I stumbled to my room and sat there in shock. He really said no. It made no sense and the belief that occurred as a result from my year of prayer was shattered. It is scary being so sure and watching that crumble.  Terrifying to know we cannot trust our certainty.

And worse to know that God sometimes says no to the things we want most.

But I sat there, and I refused to respond how I responded the last time things didn’t go like I wanted. 

Fighting off lies and hopeless thoughts, I found myself in an exhausting battle for my heart. No, I will not believe those lies. If you’ve ever tried to run on a hot, humid day and felt like you were about to die, that was what I felt like. And I wish I could tell you I was exaggerating.

And then it hit me.

He answered me. He did. After a year of praying and seeking an answer, He gave me one. And it does not make sense and the logic doesn’t fit. My heart still doesn’t agree and my head is trying to figure it out. And there are things in my heart that still aren’t right. Fear has stemmed from this. Wounds that need to be healed.

But He answered me.

And I realize that praying in faith doesn’t mean demanding that our prayers be answered and figuring that they will be, simply because we prayed them. Praying in faith means we have the humility to understand that His understanding surpasses ours; He sees what we do not see. He knows what we could not possibly figure out. And normal Whitney would start on the invites for another rousing pity party. My normal heart would argue and my head would try to understand the logic of it. I would curl into a ball until I see with my own eyes the restoration and good that I’m promised will come from this.

But instead, I looked up and saw my face in the mirror.

Smiling.

My God answered me! He is moving. He is doing something and the fact that I don’t understand it makes it even more exciting. Something will be revealed soon; His heart and His intent are prominent. A no is not neglect. An uncaring god would give us whatever we want, but our God’s standards for us are much higher than the ones we could ever think up for ourselves. What we consider the best is mere cotton candy compared to the feast He is preparing. And we must choose to see the good that we are promised even before it comes. We must expect great things, because they will happen. We cannot sit in unbelief and wait for that. We would be wasting so much time.

I’ve never received such a blatant no before. And I’ve never been so excited about getting the exact opposite of what I wanted. I don’t know what you’re going through. Maybe you’re being showered with blessings and yeses. Maybe you keep running into closed doors.

Will you wait with me in expectation? Will you hold fast to His promises with me? We don’t have to be hermits until He brings the good. We can stand in that promise and live in the joy of that. We can rejoice.

Because He answered.

He moved.

He stopped something really good. And I am choosing to believe it’s for something even better.

And that fact alone should leave us beaming. 

From ear to ear.