It’s definitely a piano Pandora station night. Because I haven’t heard enough piano playing today after practicing for over 3 hours…clearly. But lyrics and I aren’t very good friends today because they keep distracting me.
I just had a long talk with a friend over an embarrassingly large bowl of frozen yogurt. And instead of being relaxing and unwinding, it stressed me out. I told him some things, some issues. And unlike most people that I tell, he asked the question.
What are you going to do, Whitney?
Uhh…
I told him I didn’t know. But he asked me again. What are you going to DO? And I realized that this whole time I’ve been wishing that it will all fall into my lap. But maybe I have to do something. Maybe life isn’t about sitting back and waiting. But then the sovereignty of God and His will came to mind, and I got very, very confused.
I told him every time he asked me that I didn’t know. I don’t know. And all at once I feel like I have plenty of time and simultaneously feeling...
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One thing I’ve learned about Him is how He keeps pushing us. It is never the same thing. Always a little different, always a little bit harder. And when I think I barely made it through the last thing, He whispers for me to go a bit further. Yesterday we went to a camp and they made us climb and crawl and run and jump and pull and push and any other strenuous verb you can think of. I loved that feeling of being pushed. Not staying comfortable. Letting my knees get a little dirty and my shins get a little bruised. I am kind of sore today, guys. But that pushing…it was so good for me. I don’t love the figurative pushing as much. I’d much rather climb a pole and jump off like I did yesterday. That was fun and exhilarating. This…well, this can get exhausting. He is pushing my heart. And it is getting sore. Guys, it is so much fun. I love being back at school. Knowing it’s exactly where I’m supposed to be. I have a great view, a great roommate, and so many great opportunities. I am ex...
Life has been mellow lately. But craziness is coming. It is stirring in my heart and electrifying the air. Sarah and I have been sensing it. We’re not quite sure what it all entails. But we know that we have got to be ready. I feel it inching in, and I’m ok with it. Craziness can make for a lot of stress, a lot of tears, and a lot of confusion. And that is ok. Bring it on. I’m ready. I’m moving out in two days and have I touched a thing? No. Have I thought about it? No. Have I thought about thinking about it? A little. But my room is clean, my gums are closing up from the horrors that were done to them a week ago, and I’m getting my eyebrows waxed tomorrow. I’m keeping everything I can under control. But I feel it all slipping…and it’s scary. Good scary. I hear people talking about waiting a lot lately. I just read this really great poem on it. I see facebook statuses of broken-hearted girls proclaiming they will wait patiently for their husbands. Friends are waiting for ...
Last night I decided to take Tylenol PM at least an hour before I was planning to go to bed. That was mistake number one. Mistake number two was journaling afterwards. And mistake number three was continuing to text people. “Yeah. Any Tylenol loun failed.” That is an exact text I sent right before I passed out. The only comprehensible thing is ironically the word Tylenol. And the word “failed.” Which is a good summation of my time following the ingestion of the medicine I took in the name of “wisdom teeth soreness.” But guys, really…I wasn’t in pain. I just wanted to sleep long and hard. Don’t tell Grace faculty, please. I’m still fighting off the urge to take more tonight. I went on a walk today because I’m not allowed to run yet. And my mom made me wear flip flops so she’d know I wouldn’t run. The problem is that I never wear flip flops, for two very good reasons. The first is that I’m a fashion snot and something about flip flops makes me cringe. The second I had forgotten...
Guys. I’m sitting here with this gauze in my mouth. And I hate the word “gauze.” My mouth looks disfigured, the left side of it feels completely swollen, and I almost cried at the movie Soul Surfer (I would have if I was alone). There are few things like feeling your wisdom teeth get dug out. I was blaring my ipod and scrunching my eyes and squeezing my hands together as they dug…the grinding noises I heard…the cracking. Believe me, I would have gotten put under if I could. But insurance doesn’t cover it… Jesus was speaking to me straight through the songs I randomly threw into a Wisdom Teeth playlist ten minutes before I sat in that chair. He was convicting me of my selfishness, of how I had hurt Him this summer with my self-pity, my distrust, my lack of faith. I would have cried sitting there, but that’s awkward. Grown women don’t cry at the dentist’s office, for pete’s sake. For a little bit I saw myself from outside of myself, and I saw what I’ve done and how I’ve handled peopl...
Each time I try to write, pessimism and negativity flows out like the rising Missouri River. So I just thought I’d lay low for a few days and take my cynicism to Jesus. But it’s not leaving, and I am not getting any more positive. I’m sitting in my newly-organized room, though you probably wouldn’t notice if you walked in. Yesterday was one of those tedious cleanings. I went through every article of clothing and decided if I would really wear it or not. I was brutal, guys. I gave up cute stuff. But now I can close my drawers and have a few extra hangers and can see the floor on the side of my bed. Today the bachelorette completely failed and chose the wrong man. And I had one of those really bad dreams I get once a month. And this weekend the wedding just wasn’t very fun. And this month I’ve been feeling blehh. And I haven’t been doing well this summer. And life. I’m realizing life is messy. Some people get their great story, others’ lives turn out to be a love song. But I look a...