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It used to be that every day was this experience I felt I could have blogged about, if I had the time. College came with fiery emotions and cynicism and tears and dreams of the life I thought I wanted. But life settles after marrying and especially after a baby, and it feels like each day isn't the adventure it once was. Sometimes a whole week feels like one long day, sometimes the answers and the tidy conclusions just don't present themselves as they once did. 

It doesn't help that I've been avoiding turning this space into a MomBlog because most of the things I'm currently learning are things ALL THE MOMS have already shared. They're trite and make all the non-moms roll their eyes, and I just currently have nothing new to present in that area. So, what is this space supposed to be, then?

In an effort to elevate my walk with the Lord and not lose my identity in Him, my goal is to write more often, to devote this to processing my thoughts with the Lord.

I realized last week that faith has taken up residence in my head. I read and come up with clever conclusions or find cool associations, I'm great at finding wonder in Scripture. All the years of working hard to be faithful in reading His Word have indeed produced the fruit I believed it would. However, I've failed to connect that to my heart. We were made to know Him, to be His delight. I smile when I think of how I delight in my daughter. In how she sleeps on me, how she furrows her brow in curiosity, how I could burst when I show her new things. Does He feel that way about me? Why have I been treating the most important thing that has ever been as a school subject? It's as if I've been reading and learning about the Solar System when I have the opportunity to jump on a rocket and spit myself into its terrifying wonder, but I'm content staying at my desk.

What does it even mean to explore the Universe that is the Spirit, to fire myself into its unknowns where the structures and lessons and curriculum fade in comparison to holy wonder? His Kingdom has taken residence upon this earth, making things new, His Spirit wildly roaring in delight at His creation and His children, beckoning me to get up from my desk and let Him shatter the structures humans have created to wrangle what we could not possibly get a grip on. Abundant life is in the depths of the universe of His heart, and I'm far too easily satisfied.


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