All through high school and college we find our friends in our surroundings. We look to our left and right at the desks next to us in Algebra. We find them down the hall in the dorm. From elementary school to college, we experience our life changes alongside our friends. We started puberty and endured the hormones together. We got our licenses in the same year. We talked about classes and homework and everything was the same, no wonder it felt so easy to make friends--we had the same lives with the same timelines. And I somehow assumed that's how it would always be.
I first began to feel this disconnect when the first bestie got married, right after our sophomore year of college. As someone who could not have been further away from marriage, there was a foreignness of watching one of my best friends experience this major life change with which I could not also partake. I remember something actually stinging inside me as I watched her walk down the aisle to her groom, wondering why instead of happiness, there was only confused... jealousy? What was this feeling? I wish someone had told me (maybe someone did and I just didn't get it) that this is when our paths start branching off, and that's okay. YES. It's okay. She is getting married and you are not, and neither of you are wrong. Neither of you are weird. This is when we begin to hit our strides as individuals, and others' strides--yes, even our best friends'-- will be different than ours.
The desperation grew more frantic as one year later the other bestie walked down her own aisle while I was still very far away from my own wedding (but actually much closer than I thought at the time, as my groom was in the row behind me lol). I wish I could have embraced the path she was on, but instead I kept looking at myself, comparing our stories, and feeling much more hopeless than I knew I should be.
I wish I would have realized then that this is the make-or-break time for friendships. This is where we must decide. Will we let our friendship grow and stretch beyond the respective life stages we are in, or will we let our paths swallow us up in isolation? Will we in selfishness solely befriend those who find themselves in the same life stage as us, only to drift away from them as soon as they transition out? I wish I would have realized that FOR THE LOVE OF ANYTHING YOU CAN WALK OFF YOUR PATH AND GO AND VISIT THE PEOPLE ON OTHER PATHS. You can note how rocky their path is and how their feet must be bruised. You can admire the flowers that border their road. I wish I would have empathetically acknowledged the good and the bad they were facing, because unlike my heart thought, that does not dismiss my own hardships or taint my own flowers.
I wish I would have known that was only the beginning. Soon I would be walking the lonely path of support raising and missionary life. Soon both of my sweet friends would become mamas while I worked in full-time ministry.
But this weekend we walked off our paths to meet. To gather, to sit, to hold one another's babies, to laugh and to listen. We all gladly sacrificed our gas money, our weekend, our sleep--the mamas endured the hassle that is bringing a baby on a weekend trip and I brought my own insomnia along. I never thought I'd enjoy baby talk and baby stories and recipes to get rid of milk stains so much. We sat in a living room for most of the weekend because of the babies' schedules and I wouldn't have it any other way. We found a meeting ground in the grass between our own respective paths. And this time, I know that differing life stages are to be celebrated, not isolated. I can hop into their world and share with them my own and we can still laugh about the same old things, and, despite all our differences, laugh about brand new things too.
I first began to feel this disconnect when the first bestie got married, right after our sophomore year of college. As someone who could not have been further away from marriage, there was a foreignness of watching one of my best friends experience this major life change with which I could not also partake. I remember something actually stinging inside me as I watched her walk down the aisle to her groom, wondering why instead of happiness, there was only confused... jealousy? What was this feeling? I wish someone had told me (maybe someone did and I just didn't get it) that this is when our paths start branching off, and that's okay. YES. It's okay. She is getting married and you are not, and neither of you are wrong. Neither of you are weird. This is when we begin to hit our strides as individuals, and others' strides--yes, even our best friends'-- will be different than ours.
The desperation grew more frantic as one year later the other bestie walked down her own aisle while I was still very far away from my own wedding (but actually much closer than I thought at the time, as my groom was in the row behind me lol). I wish I could have embraced the path she was on, but instead I kept looking at myself, comparing our stories, and feeling much more hopeless than I knew I should be.
I wish I would have realized then that this is the make-or-break time for friendships. This is where we must decide. Will we let our friendship grow and stretch beyond the respective life stages we are in, or will we let our paths swallow us up in isolation? Will we in selfishness solely befriend those who find themselves in the same life stage as us, only to drift away from them as soon as they transition out? I wish I would have realized that FOR THE LOVE OF ANYTHING YOU CAN WALK OFF YOUR PATH AND GO AND VISIT THE PEOPLE ON OTHER PATHS. You can note how rocky their path is and how their feet must be bruised. You can admire the flowers that border their road. I wish I would have empathetically acknowledged the good and the bad they were facing, because unlike my heart thought, that does not dismiss my own hardships or taint my own flowers.
I wish I would have known that was only the beginning. Soon I would be walking the lonely path of support raising and missionary life. Soon both of my sweet friends would become mamas while I worked in full-time ministry.
But this weekend we walked off our paths to meet. To gather, to sit, to hold one another's babies, to laugh and to listen. We all gladly sacrificed our gas money, our weekend, our sleep--the mamas endured the hassle that is bringing a baby on a weekend trip and I brought my own insomnia along. I never thought I'd enjoy baby talk and baby stories and recipes to get rid of milk stains so much. We sat in a living room for most of the weekend because of the babies' schedules and I wouldn't have it any other way. We found a meeting ground in the grass between our own respective paths. And this time, I know that differing life stages are to be celebrated, not isolated. I can hop into their world and share with them my own and we can still laugh about the same old things, and, despite all our differences, laugh about brand new things too.
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