nostalgia and newness.
This weekend I reread my old blogs from senior year and (if this isn't the most narcissistic thing you've ever heard) totally had a love gush for them. I wrote what I wanted, whenever I wanted. I posted them on Twitter where I have less followers. I didn't care how many "likes" my posts got because they weren't so public. I complained. I dreamed. I cried. I shared my struggles about crushes, about broken hearts, about love. I wrote through the process of accepting God's no's, and the misery of No Pants November. I wrote about potentially dating a doctor and you bet I wrote about sex. I bore my soul to you guys, whoever "you guys" is.
I so miss that.
I need this, friends. Because as I look back on where I was, I have a smirk on my face because I know where it led. And I refuse to miss out on that treasure. Of rereading with a smirk. It is the best.
Way-too-long story short: I'm going to blog again. Sometimes they will be deep. Sometimes they will be stupid. Sometimes it will be complaining and you can call me out on that. Sometimes it will be just pictures. I won't complain about being single anymore and I will probably love gush on Jon a little bit. I don't know what this will be, but I've made it too much than it should. My heart needs to write: funny, lame, dumb, silly, dreamy, hopey, smiley, depressing, all of it. I need it out here. Because my heart needs to write to an ambiguous audience that is anyone but all of facebook.
Catch up: I work at Fareway (a grocery store) for the time being. And I have come to this conclusion: I am the spoiled prissy white girl I kind of knew I was but never realized I actually was. My past jobs have been: a daycare, babysitting, Red Mango, nannying, and teaching piano. THESE JOBS ARE SO EASY. Fareway is on your feet, everyday all day. In a white men's button-up short sleeve shirt (think Dwight Schrute). Moving things, packing things. Cleaning things. You never stop working! I am ashamed of all the jobs I've complained about in the past. Fareway isn't even that hard; I have been so spoiled. I also need Dr. Scholl's and a chiropractor.
Jon and I are in the process of support raising. Which means every dollar we earn (and yes this is a career so we have a decent salary) must be raised. Which means you have to call people. But not everyone wants to meet with you. But those who do want to meet with you are not always in a position to give. But those who are in a position to give sometimes take days. weeks. MONTHS. To figure out how much, to start their giving. This is not me complaining; rather this shows you how l o n g this takes. A year is normal for most couples like Jon and me. A year of this. Oh dear Lord help us. I'm not used to this because I am a people pleaser. And if I contact someone and they don't contact me back, my first response is, "Okay they hate us and they don't want to let's never ask them again." I am forced to be vulnerable, to think the best of people, which is apparently something I struggle with. I also made this stupid resolution to not have a bad attitude for Lent. So now I have to deal with my emotions instead of passive aggressively communicating them with pouts, short answers, and manipulation. Sanctification is no fun.
A better description of support raising is this: Google "adjective generator".
The first word shown probably describes support raising.
Click "generate adjectives".
This word also probably describes support raising.
I kept doing this. Here are my adjectives (only about 5-7 didn't apply):
great - tense - smelly - pricey - beneficial - lonely - incredible - tasteful (idk about this?) - peaceful - envious - encouraging - troubled - dead - billowy - hilarious - expensive - abundant - magical - able - honorable - useful -
I could keep going but you get it.
At training in Florida, they told us that people want to give. That people need to give more than we need to receive. That in the heart of God is generosity, and people who follow Him have that heart. And my cynical self didn't believe that. No one is like that anymore. Everyone is stingy and hard-hearted and they don't care about missions.
Friends, I was wrong. Here are a random assortment of phrases we have heard the past few weeks, in no particular order, from people we have met with about support.
"Everyday I just pray that God would give us more money, so we can give more away."
"I'm so excited I can support missionaries that I actually know!" - a college student with little money
"I was praying about who I could give a tithe of my tax return to, right when you contacted me!"
"Well, my wife and I already give to klove and St. Jude's. But we do Dave Ramsey and I don't need all the spending money I get each month. I could give you guys $15-20 of that a month?"
"I don't make a lot, and I haven't been paid the past few months because of my time off with my surgery, but I can send you guys some money as much as I can!"
I honestly didn't know people were that generous. (I think it's because I'm not that generous) I've never viewed money in such a way that these people do. With such stewardship. With such open hands and missional hearts. I am convicted that I was never like this, and never learned to be like this. Growing up, giving was always about excess, not sacrifice. Yet we are witnessing monetary sacrifices for God's Kingdom and it brings me to my knees in tears sometimes.
People love Jesus so much and want to see Him move, that they will give their money to a couple they hardly know because they plan to bring Jesus to college students.
People really, really love Jesus.
I so miss that.
I need this, friends. Because as I look back on where I was, I have a smirk on my face because I know where it led. And I refuse to miss out on that treasure. Of rereading with a smirk. It is the best.
Way-too-long story short: I'm going to blog again. Sometimes they will be deep. Sometimes they will be stupid. Sometimes it will be complaining and you can call me out on that. Sometimes it will be just pictures. I won't complain about being single anymore and I will probably love gush on Jon a little bit. I don't know what this will be, but I've made it too much than it should. My heart needs to write: funny, lame, dumb, silly, dreamy, hopey, smiley, depressing, all of it. I need it out here. Because my heart needs to write to an ambiguous audience that is anyone but all of facebook.
Catch up: I work at Fareway (a grocery store) for the time being. And I have come to this conclusion: I am the spoiled prissy white girl I kind of knew I was but never realized I actually was. My past jobs have been: a daycare, babysitting, Red Mango, nannying, and teaching piano. THESE JOBS ARE SO EASY. Fareway is on your feet, everyday all day. In a white men's button-up short sleeve shirt (think Dwight Schrute). Moving things, packing things. Cleaning things. You never stop working! I am ashamed of all the jobs I've complained about in the past. Fareway isn't even that hard; I have been so spoiled. I also need Dr. Scholl's and a chiropractor.
Jon and I are in the process of support raising. Which means every dollar we earn (and yes this is a career so we have a decent salary) must be raised. Which means you have to call people. But not everyone wants to meet with you. But those who do want to meet with you are not always in a position to give. But those who are in a position to give sometimes take days. weeks. MONTHS. To figure out how much, to start their giving. This is not me complaining; rather this shows you how l o n g this takes. A year is normal for most couples like Jon and me. A year of this. Oh dear Lord help us. I'm not used to this because I am a people pleaser. And if I contact someone and they don't contact me back, my first response is, "Okay they hate us and they don't want to let's never ask them again." I am forced to be vulnerable, to think the best of people, which is apparently something I struggle with. I also made this stupid resolution to not have a bad attitude for Lent. So now I have to deal with my emotions instead of passive aggressively communicating them with pouts, short answers, and manipulation. Sanctification is no fun.
A better description of support raising is this: Google "adjective generator".
The first word shown probably describes support raising.
Click "generate adjectives".
This word also probably describes support raising.
I kept doing this. Here are my adjectives (only about 5-7 didn't apply):
great - tense - smelly - pricey - beneficial - lonely - incredible - tasteful (idk about this?) - peaceful - envious - encouraging - troubled - dead - billowy - hilarious - expensive - abundant - magical - able - honorable - useful -
I could keep going but you get it.
At training in Florida, they told us that people want to give. That people need to give more than we need to receive. That in the heart of God is generosity, and people who follow Him have that heart. And my cynical self didn't believe that. No one is like that anymore. Everyone is stingy and hard-hearted and they don't care about missions.
Friends, I was wrong. Here are a random assortment of phrases we have heard the past few weeks, in no particular order, from people we have met with about support.
"Everyday I just pray that God would give us more money, so we can give more away."
"I'm so excited I can support missionaries that I actually know!" - a college student with little money
"I was praying about who I could give a tithe of my tax return to, right when you contacted me!"
"Well, my wife and I already give to klove and St. Jude's. But we do Dave Ramsey and I don't need all the spending money I get each month. I could give you guys $15-20 of that a month?"
"I don't make a lot, and I haven't been paid the past few months because of my time off with my surgery, but I can send you guys some money as much as I can!"
I honestly didn't know people were that generous. (I think it's because I'm not that generous) I've never viewed money in such a way that these people do. With such stewardship. With such open hands and missional hearts. I am convicted that I was never like this, and never learned to be like this. Growing up, giving was always about excess, not sacrifice. Yet we are witnessing monetary sacrifices for God's Kingdom and it brings me to my knees in tears sometimes.
People love Jesus so much and want to see Him move, that they will give their money to a couple they hardly know because they plan to bring Jesus to college students.
People really, really love Jesus.
YAY!!!! I'm so happy you are blogging again! and ummm I haven't checked your blog in a while and decided to today? Perfect timing! haha! Love hearing about your journey! People really really love Jesus indeed! And Jesus really really loves you!
ReplyDelete