this year's perfumes

My brothers are gone at a conference all week, and so I am left to puke at my parents' empty-nestiness. I have averted their awkward romantic antics by concocting an evil plan to become a spoiled only-child by the end of the week, throwing in manipulation and emotional bribery to get everything that I want in hopes of achieving my goal of having them wrapped around my finger by Saturday when my brothers get back and I once again return to my "black sheep" status, but with sweet memories of this spoiled only-child week to console me the next time I accidentally set off the fire alarm at midnight and my family glares at me with homicidal, judgmental eyes.

(that was quite possibly the longest sentence I have ever written. I am too proud of it to worry about its grammatical correctness)

So that's how my first week of 2013 is going to go. 

Being the nostalgic, sentimental person that I am, I made it a point to reflect on what has happened in 2012, where I was a year ago and the path He has paved for me. And I could go into the details of what this year entailed, but I suppose if you really want to know you can just look at my blogs. I won't waste my time repeating myself. I guess I could pull a Facebook-style blog where I talk about the trials and triumphs and the friends made and lost and blah blah blah.

My year was crazy; I'm sure yours was too. A lot happens in 365 days (and actually, this year was 366 days, thanks to Leap Year. THAT'S 24 MORE HOURS OF LEARNING THAN NORMAL!). I don't claim to have had a better or worse or more meaningful 2012 than you've had. You're on your path, I'm on mine. You've learned your lessons, and so have I.

With that prologue of humility being thrown out there, I suppose I can share with you some things that the past 366 days have taught me, one per month.

-January: Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do. And sometimes the only thing that makes us not want to scream about it is turning up Akon & Michael Jackson's song "Hold My Hand" to dangerous decibel levels and forgetting about everything.

-February: Love is hard. And it is not about us.

-March: In the moments that are so paralyzingly terrible; when we are in so much turmoil that we are far past the point of crying and we find ourselves actually hysterically laughing from distress, He is still there.

-April: Catering vans fly off of retaining walls sometimes. And that's life.

-May: He does not ever let us go.

-June: Jesus is absolutely astounding, and when our gaze turns to Him, that is where healing occurs.

-July: 22 hour car rides WITH A DOG make me more suicidal than any depression I have endured.

-August: High school senioritis is bump in the dirt compared to the mountain that is college senioritis.

-September (this one has two): 1) If we are not humble, God will fix that. 2) God runs with us for 13.1 miles.

-October (also has two): 1) forgiveness only happens through His power. 2) boys are dumb.

-November: not ALL boys are dumb.

-December: I don't know how to handle bridesmaid drama, or confrontation of any kind.

So there it is. I'd love to hear your list. 

This morning I found myself in John 12 and just couldn't get past the first eight verses. The beauty of Mary's expensive sacrifice to anoint the feet of Jesus. Her lack of concern about money, her willingness to give up something so precious just for someone's feet. He was worth the shattering of this expensive perfume. She abandoned her entitlement to this rather pricey possession. Any normal person (even I) would be tempted to call this a waste. But this great "loss" to her was no loss at all. It was an honor for her to pour out the perfume. Because He is worth that. Just Him. Not necessarily His blessings, because we all know too well those are given and taken away. Not the fuzzy feelings we get, because we know what it is like to sit on our bed and feel nothing while we pray. But because of who He is. He is the God who raises the dead (as He had just done for Mary's brother), and His redemption makes Him worthy of this sacrifice.

In fact, the greatness of who He is makes this perfume anointment hardly feel like a sacrifice at all. Because He is so worth that.

I've had to give up a lot of perfumes this year. Precious things to which I was clutching and unwilling to let go. But as I dared to dig deeper into the enigmatic majesty, the neverending beautiful ambiguity, the powerful sovereignty and astounding glory of this manifestation of God, the more I considered these perfumes to be worth nothing. In fact, I was happy to pour them at His feet. Because He is worth that. Those perfumes are garbage compared to His worth. We do not need these silly perfumes, and our act of pouring them upon His feet show Him just that. No perfumes, no possessions, no profession, no relationship, no romance, no reward, no accolade, no admiration, no nothing. And we would gladly lay what we have at His feet. 

To show Him He is more than worth that. 

And so I think what God wanted to do in all of us in 2012, and I believe He will continue to do in 2013, is to use the bad show us who He is through our brokenness, so that when the blessings do come, our only response is to pour them at His feet because of the overwhelming glory we have seen.

And that's what makes me excited about 365 more days.