i literally just posted this...

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I normally don't do this.

But when I started this blog, I promised myself I'd be real. I never intended this thing to be all EVERYONE LOOK AT ALL MY INSIGHTFUL THOUGHTS AND WRITING ABILITIES. I think there is power in sharing where we are, what inspired us that day, how Jesus worked. My desire is that someone will, at some point in this blog's life, read something that encourages them to keep going, to make them not feel on their own. That they'll see that we as humans aren't all that different. Our circumstances could be light years apart, but similar themes are always laced through them all.

And here I am, baring it all to you. Because I believe in transparency and sincerity.

And because I can't sleep.

....

I have a crush on someone.

:O

I wish you could see me right now, shaking my head at the computer screen. I think I'm blushing. I want to erase this whole thing right now. Christians are supposed to pray when they can't sleep anyways, not blog!

Christian girls have this idea that mature Christian women don't have crushes. There's this expectation that we all need to be fine just dancing with Jesus, AND THEN He will bring someone else in to share the dance with. We just need to dance with Jesus...

First of all, I've never danced with Jesus. At least not literally. (I'm not quite sure what figurative dancing with Him would look like...) And I feel like I of all people would be one of the firsts to figure out that Jesus physically dances with people. Because I have this reception coming up and I have a feeling that Jesus would be a legit dance partner. But I don't think He does that this side of heaven.

And second of all, whoever came up with that idea was probably just a pansy who was crushing real hard and didn't want anyone to know.

Or maybe I'm not a mature Christian women and we really aren't supposed to have crushes.

I WOULD BE MORE WORRIED ABOUT THAT IF I DIDN'T HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE!

Don't worry, though. Nothing's going to happen. He doesn't feel that way about me (God has put a curse on me that anyone I like doesn't like me back, it's whatever). So if you're single and worried that I may be jumping ship soon, have no fear. I'll be here for awhile.

So yeah, he doesn't like me and I'm definitely not ready for a boyfriend right now anyways. But I think he's real cute and right now I just want him to ask me on a date. I'd even be fine with a stereotypical pedestrian bridge date! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I feel like I'm in sixth grade again, and God has shot me through a time vortex to relive my evolution with boys and give me a chance to redeem myself from my numerous mistakes along the way.

God help me if that's the case.

God help us all if that's the case.

I'm blushing again.

The only reason I'm posting this is for any of you readers that are crushing real hard too. And you feel so immature and you're lying on your bed trying to suffocate the crush right out of you with pillows because there's nothing you can do about it and you feel absolutely ridiculous because all of your friends are at committal, mature stages in their relationships and you're just laying in bed smiling like a fool about a boy who probably just knows you as "that girl".

SMILING LIKE A FOOL.

If you're heart's wanting someone tonight, I'm here too. I get it. Hit me up and we'll get coffee and talk about it if you want. I love hearing about crushes. And I'll tell you about mine too. He's cute and funny.

What's your crush like?

....

None of you like anyone, do you...

Well now I just feel dumb.

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