By -

Lately I have been laughing a lot, and nothing especially funny has occurred.

Lately I have also been biting the right side of my bottom lip furiously, and I don’t think I ever used to bite my bottom lip as a comfort mechanism, but here I am. Sitting on my bed. My teeth clenched around that bottom lip like they’re holding on for dear life.

A long lost friend is coming in a few minutes and I’ve missed her. And this week we will stay up too late talking about silly things and old memories, and she will ask me the question. And I will go through the pros and cons of giving her an honest answer…

biting my lip as I decide.

I’ve begun to not give a rat’s behind about tact and mystery anymore. It is taking everything in me (and a good chunk out of my bottom lip) to not go crazy and explain to the world why I keep laughing though nothing’s funny. Why I give ambiguous answers to their questions, and why my blogs are especially fuzzy and non-specific.

And why I don’t want to plan formal. It is the last thing I want to think about. It is stressful and scary and I have NO idea how we are going to pull it off. None. We are trying to have it be a benefit for this man named Min and his Nepali church. And I just have no idea how it is going to work out. I’m pretty sure that the world is determined to make sure formal doesn’t happen, and if it does, that it will be the most miserable, embarrassing, and devastating event Grace University has ever sponsored.

And I want to be un-classy and untactful and shock the campus with a chapel announcement that goes something like, “Sorry guys. There is no formal this semester. And actually I’m not sorry.”

But instead I got down on my knees and I said, “Okay, God. I really think formal is Your idea. So You are going to have to make it happen. Because I can’t. My team can’t. No one has ever done this before and I’m starting to regret committing to this but the only thing keeping me going is the fact that I believe that this is Your idea. So God, make it happen.”

So I prayed that, but that chapel announcement was still clawing at the back of my brain…

And then.  Last week I visited Min’s church and I met the people we will be helping. And I saw their passion and I held their children. And the caterers just told me that we will only have to pay HALF of what we paid last semester.

He wants formal.

That’s the vibe I keep getting from Him. Formal is so much more than a time to dress up this semester. It is even so much more than a benefit too. It is so much more than me running around and explaining with a chuckle that I don’t have a date.

Though I am dreading it and begging God for some catastrophe to happen so we have to cancel because of the devastation of whatever the catastrophe would be, He just keeps telling me, I want formal.

So in between sighs I actually bought a shiny gold dress and I’ve started thinking about accessories and hair styles and color schemes and it makes me want to vomit.

But He wants formal.

So as I sit here waiting for my guest, I let out an unbefitting chuckle through a bitten lower lip.

He wants formal, so I guess I do too.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

limited

By -
It's the end of June, and our windows are open. After a string of endless rainy days, sopping and muddy, the sun--our knight in shining armor--emerged without its normal end-of-June heat. And so, the windows are open. My daughter has been asleep for awhile, my husband is riding his bike through the glory of a Minnesota summer's evening, and I sit listening to the clock tick, the birds talk, the cars hum. The background noises of life which I usually drown out with music or a podcast or a babbling toddler demand their attention now, greedy backup singers stealing their solos. Last night I spent time with some newer ladies in my life, none of which had kids. I was relieved to find myself able to relate to childless peers as most of my current friends have children who tend to dominate our conversations. We talked of refugees and politics and international students in Mankato. We talked of life plans and I actually enjoyed not lamenting the current 2-1 nap transition ...
Read more
By -
It’s Leap Day. I was excited for today. I love odd, random, extra things. I woke up energized and determined and ready. I woke up and wrote in my journal, “God, I want today to be purposeful and intentional. It’s Leap Day! This date only happens once every four years, let’s make it count. Let’s make it good.” So I leaped out of bed (get it) and was READY for my day. So ready that I had my favorite breakfast and even worked out and showered before my day started. Today is going to rock! … So, I can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe it’s the fact that my poor water bottle is still MIA, or that I had to purchase my 3 rd key card of the semester because mine was lost, that I left my purse in my room and had no chapstick all day, or that after I purchased my new key card, I was texted by the mom I babysit for, saying she found it. Or maybe it was just that it was so windy. And wind makes me want to blow up an orphanage. I don’t know WHAT it was. But today was off. Like, ...
Read more

pointless stories that falsely sound symbolic

By -
Image
I got caught between Summer and Fall's loud argument on my run today, as the summer sun singed my skin and the fall breeze tousled my hair. Summer is like that crazy aunt who won't leave when the party is clearly over. And the entire universe is getting sick of pleasantries and manners. Fall is about to take its predecessor's spotlight, and I was running through the midst of the awkward and marvelous conversation. And I don't like confrontation, but something about saying one final good-bye to heat and sweat, while simultaneously greeting the fall's cool temperatures was nothing like the usual disagreements I generally ignore. So I ran through the seasons' quarrel and John Piper was getting passionate. I smiled as the pain my stomach from the numerous potato chips I regretfully consumed the night before while camping subsided. I smiled because my miles to go were dwindling. I smiled because Fall was clearly winning this dispute I was caught between. I smiled ...
Read more