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I really should go to bed.

Really.

But it’s Valentine’s Day and everyone expects single girls to have a blogful of either hating or desperate thoughts on Valentine’s Day. And I can’t let my  people down (although I’m pretty sure “my people” is like four readers…).

A year ago I received a basket full of my favorite foods from a boy down in Arkansas. And I walked up with the clouds that day. I was finally that girl, that girl that got the cute Valentine’s Day gift. The previous Valentine’s Days consisted of tears and begging and doubting. I don’t like talking about those Valentine’s Days.

Today my gifts were from my brothers. Today there are no potentials in sight and no butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. In fact, the only thing fluttering around was me around campus as I passed out the roses. But today I didn’t cry. I didn’t doubt. I wasn’t that desperate single girl that everyone envisions. In fact my Valentine’s Day was full of work and busyness and finished with a meal by myself and two hours in a practice room, and I am okay with that. I told my brother he couldn’t take me out to dinner because I didn’t have time. That was my Valentine’s Day.

I’m sitting here watching my roommate sleep, wishing I could hear about her night and avoiding the cupcakes I received from my piano students. I was honored to help her boyfriend plan the food for their romantic evening—her first non-single Valentine’s Day. And I smile thinking about the 90 roses we passed out today—to significant others, to friends, to crushes. I absolutely loved handing them out to unexpecting and slightly flustered recipients. There is something about making someone’s day.

I went to our school’s women’s retreat a few weeks ago and was so disappointed. The main issue we talked about was beauty and insecurities. And I sat there as they told us to view ourselves as God sees us, to cultivate the beauty of our hearts, etc etc etc. Goodness, don’t they know? Don’t they realize that we will never get over our insecurity as long as we are still looking at ourselves?

Don’t the single girls realize that we will never be able to get through Valentine’s Day if we are still waiting around to be loved?

We have become so selfish. We want someone to bring us chocolates, to buy us roses. We want to view ourselves as beautiful and captivating but we are missing the point because the point has nothing to do with us. Selfishness captures our contentment and steals our self-confidence. It strangles us in ways we hardly even see. I may sound mean, but if you are insecure, it is because you are selfish. If you are discontent this Valentine’s Day, it is because you are looking at yourself.

Because this is the first Valentine’s Day I didn’t mope around about not being loved, and I just decided to love. Everyone. As many people as I could.  And something happens when you stop looking at yourself. Valentine’s Day isn’t as hard. In fact, Valentine’s Day is great. Seeing people’s smiles and thinking about their blessed hearts—knowing that I helped make that happen—just makes me happy.

So when I have a great dream that ends up being just a dream. When I’m tempted to be insecure and doubt. When it’s…Valentine’s Day. Who am I looking at? Who is taking up my attention?

I hope you loved a lot today.

And that you didn’t cry, because there is no crying allowed on Valentine’s Day.