whitney dziurawiec

I’m sitting in my unmade bed. In a skirt. Eating my lunch of yogurt/granola/raisins and pretzels with cheese sticks…I forgot the cafeteria wasn’t open until Monday. Why do I feel the need to give all of you a visual of where I am, what I look like, and what I’m doing each time I start writing? Not sure. Anyways. This break has actually kind of been a break…but my homework is laughing because it knows we’ll have to have a showdown sooner or later. And I’m not fond of showdowns. Life has been interesting these past few days. Can we have a confession time? This one is embarrassing, guys. I used to have a number as a code word for this boy I liked in my early teen years. I’m not telling you the number because it is a secret…and hopefully Asha doesn’t remember what it is. Anyways, this number has shown up to me in various forms: time of day, page numbers, football scores, prices, and anywhere else that numbers generally appear. As an adolescent girl, butterflies flitted around in m...

It’s been one of those weeks where I go to bed every night saying, God, I honestly don’t know if I can keep doing this. My motivation is dwindling, my concentration is blurring, my hope is fading and I don’t want to keep going. I really don’t. But that is when He picks me up, gives me a small reason to smile, to laugh, to serve, to love. And He gets me out of bed whether I want to or not. And all the equipment for worship team could get lost, people that we need could get sick, hopes that we had for right now could be completely unmet, and we smile as we watch friends get what they wanted. It is a genuine smile. A sober one, but genuine. Somehow He always gets us through. Through awkwardness, through overwhelming weeks, through planning formals, through month after month of unfulfilled desire that could never be realized, we always make it through. Even when we don’t want to, we want Him more. And we don’t want to smile, but we want to see Him smile. And we wish we didn’t fee...

It’s been one of those days. It’s been one of those weeks. Yeah, it’s been one of those months. And it’s definitely been one of those years. What does those even mean anyway? The phrase is fairly ambiguous. I guess what I mean by those is exhausting. Stretching. Wearying. Probing. Itching. Desperate, on-your-knees, strength-draining, “Lord, I cannot do this without You,” kind of those. And it’s not all bad. These kinds of days and weeks and years are so good. I’ve never had a more fulfilling year of my life—I’ve never been more satisfied. But I’ve also never been more tired. I still have a few chapters to read before I go to bed. I should definitely get on that. There is this one part in my Beethoven sonata. The part I’ve been working strenuously on since I first laid eyes on those two measures. Yep, only two measures. When I go full-speed, the part lasts about four seconds. Guys, I have spent hours on this part. Going slow, going fast. Just left hand; just right hand....

Today I was just happy. Reasons for happiness: First of all, I am happy because God is very, very good. And we do not have to worry, we do not have to overthink or over-analyze. We can rest and trust and wait. We don’t have to feel pressure or striving. Simply because He is so good. I spied and watched my little brother ask this cute girl to formal today. And as I watched her blush, I just couldn’t help but smile. I remember that feeling of knowing a boy could have chosen anyone to ask to formal, but he chose me. I knew that girl felt special and confident today, because she was picked by my brother (who is a catch and a half by the way). And she’s just so stinking cute, I hope she goes to sleep still smiling because she’s got a date to formal. Cute freshmen. And then I smiled because I don’t need a date to formal, and that is exactly why I have one. Because I remember being like these freshman girls that wanted dates so badly, that felt self-conscious if I didn’t have one. And ...

Today was one of those “I have nothing going on so I’m going to get a lot done but I end up falling asleep and going running and buying new songs on itunes” kind of days. And now I’m on my second helping of dinner. And my textbooks are glaring at me. And the Huskers are playing so there’s bound to be yelling eventually. Home and fall just go together. I love my room at Grace, but coming home to chili and fireplaces is the absolute best. I know a lot of these are based on what I’ve learned while running. Guys, if you want to daily learn life lessons, run every day outside. Seriously. He teaches me something or reinforces a truth each time. That’s my exhortation for the day. Run outside. Even if it’s cold or raining or humid or windy. Just run. I ran my normal “home” route…through neighborhoods, along busy streets, and I came to this path that I rarely run on. The rain had let up and I wanted to get to a song on my playlist so I decided to extend my run. Despite the gloomy, overcast ...

It’s funny how you can be so busy, have a great roommate, be completely in the will of God, and still feel very alone. I knew this year would be a hard one. Two of my closest friends aren’t here like they used to be; I spend three hours a day locked in a room practicing piano, spend my weekends doing homework, and spend at least an hour in the car most days…without even a radio. My busyness keeps me occupied but completely isolated. I’m not with people like I used to be. Can I make a confession? I just bought my junior recital dress last night. I came home and tried it on with the new heels I got. I stayed in that dress for an hour. At midnight on a Friday night, there I sat, journaling in a classy dress and berry-colored heels. I couldn’t bring myself to take it off. There was this need to feel pretty even though no one saw me. And last night, like an insecure high schooler, I just stared at the mirror thinking, “Maybe if I lost a few inches here, if only my hair looked a bit fu...