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I’m sitting in my dorm room, alone. Clothes are everywhere, a Cheez-it box is sitting next to me, and there are more scarves in here than pairs of shoes. It really is home. My roommate is back and I see her everyday. I didn’t realize how much I really missed her until now. Now that I have her again. And I get to see her plan her wedding and fall more in love with her fiancé. And we will stay up late looking at youtube videos that 10 year-olds made. And we will sit on our beds and talk. About how we got to where we are. About what Jesus is going to do. About what we’ve missed in each other.

But we won’t talk about boys, I won’t let us. That’s my rule this year. I’m not losing myself in looking for that. It is dangerous and foolish.

It’s easy not to talk about it, but not thinking about it is another struggle entirely. How is it that our thoughts can so easily turn from the one truly majestic, beautiful, powerful, Creator who will be our ultimate Bridegroom to people who will let us down? The complete, ultimate Fulfiller is standing, waiting, longing for us. And I struggle with focusing on and pleasing worldly things? I am ashamed. I was afraid I would fail and I already have.

Today I made myself sing aloud. It was the only way to get my mind off it. Which is pretty pathetic. But it worked. So I sang loud and focused on the words. I thought of Him hanging there, in pain too great for words, because of a deep, passionate, desperate Love for me. A Love far greater than any human could attempt to give me. Because that’s the Love that counts.

Lord, I’m amazed by You
How You love me.
How wide,
How deep,
How great
Is Your love for me.

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