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Well I’m about to crack down on homework. I really am. I turned down something fun today in the name of homework…and I hate that it’s come to this. But I told those cute little freshmen this morning not to be stressed, and I’m going to practice what I preach.

I could probably use a little more stress, because I still need eight more sources for my paper. But I’m not worried about it, and I definitely should be.

No, last night I spent my evening in my pajamas journaling and writing a letter I never intend to give. Time management was another thing I talked about to the freshmen this morning, as if this semester made me really good at it.

I was hoping one of the freshmen would ask the question that’s on all of their minds. The relationship question. The thing they’re all curious about. I wish they would have. I wish I could gently tell the boys to stop chasing after every girl that laughs at them. I wish I could tell the girls to stop reading romance novels and daydreaming of their prince to come riding in over the hill. I just want to beg them to not let their only dream to be to find that man that makes them not feel so alone. Goodness, what a low dream. Freshmen, please don’t waste your time. Find what you love. Find who you love. Find a problem you have with this world and start trying to fix it. Find that sweet spot of ministry and thrive there. Search, fail, seek, serve. Desire Him, find Him. Look for Him. And in your pursuit you will start to forget you about your biological clock, about where you are in life in relation to your friends, about loneliness. Because you will start caring about other things. Kingdom things.

I wish I could tell them that God writes great love stories. I’ve witnessed them, and some of them even make me blush even though I’m not the one falling in love. Oh, are they beautiful and wonderful. But…He also writes amazing adventure stories. He writes beautiful tragedies. He writes thrilling action scenes.

Let Him write what He wants.

That’s what I wish I could tell them.

Because I’ve stolen His paint brush and made great attempts at my own pictures, and I’m sure they amuse Him. And just recently I’ve seen these pictures and realized that they are a mess. I’m a mess. Goodness…why did He choose me for this again? He picked the wrong girl. I can’t do this. Why am I not that girl that is always trusting, always patient, always with a gentle smile across her face, never doubting? Guys, I am failing. There is no way that I’m going to be able to say that I trusted, or that I was patient, or that I didn’t cry or didn’t ever doubt. I didn’t do anything.

And maybe…that’s the point.

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