whitney dziurawiec

I’m sitting in my newly arranged room. My roommate got antsy and decided to switch it all around. The day after I get back from a miserable choir tour full of sickness and pms. So there I was, sniffly and snotty (to both meanings of the word), as she moved everything around. But I kept my mouth shut and I put on my mascara. And then at lunch my two engaged friends were talking weddings and my two other friends were talking about this girl one of them was interested in. And I sat there, kept my mouth shut, and ate my salad. I don’t want to complain. I don’t want to sound like that one desperate girl who is looking for attention and wants everyone to feel sorry for her. But all of this talk about boys and marriage and “the one” and all that stuff isn’t very fun for me right now. I’m trying to run away from all that talk but unfortunately it’s at the front of all my friends’ brains. Stupid Bible college. This is hard, the hardest it’s been in awhile. But something’s different. I’m...

You know those times that just go….horribly? They’re the worst when you can’t feel Him. When you feel abandoned by Him, when life is spiraling and you just want to scream, “Where are you?!” The comfort isn’t there, the peace isn’t there. And wonder if I have done something so awful that God would just give up on me. There has been no reply, no inspiring passage in scripture, no overwhelming peace. Just…emptiness. So I sigh and wipe my heavy, damp eyes. And I exhaustedly choose to believe that He has been here. In a hug. In a long cry. In playing the piano. And in a beautiful day. What if the blessings come through raindrops What if Your healing comes through tears What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near What if my greatest disappointments Or the aching of this life Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy

I wish I could write on this dang thing more often. The unfortunate thing is that before spring break, I can’t think of a time when I was free, or even thought about this poor little website. Life has bombarded me. I longed for this week of break, when I would have nothing to do. When I could actually sit and watch tv. Or talk to my mom. Or go on a really, really long run. I laughed as I typed that. I still have to practice piano two hours a day. And work out. And take friends to the airport. And buy birthday gifts, teach piano lessons, help with youth group. This week really isn’t that free. But it’s less. But sometimes having more time gives me more time to worry. To be confused. To freak out. I’m really good at freaking out. Really good. Especially when it has to do with boys. So my friend and I were freaking out together last night. We sat in my kitchen just staring at each other in confusion. Neither of us knew what to say. We couldn’t help each other. We were…freaking o...