whitney dziurawiec

Before I know what’s going on, I am rushed into a room. They are telling me to hurry, that there’s not much time. I realize I am holding a bag, and someone takes it from me and looks inside. She stares at the contents for awhile, then looks at me and smiles with tears welling in her eyes as if to say Thank you. They push me into a chair and begin to prod at my hair, clip at my nails, and polish my face. I catch a glimpse of them taking all of their tools out of the bag I brought in. In a whirlwind, I was lipsticked, curled, and in a dress. Then, as if a storm had passed, they all stopped and stepped back. They stared at me in awe. I heard gasps and whispers. Some were crying, others just stared. I stared back at them, wondering. The same woman that met me at the door led me to a large mirror on the other side of the room. I looked into it and my jaw dropped. My dress was whiter than any other white I had seen. My hair perfectly curled, not a piece out of place. It was shining and ...

Yesterday sucked. I was in a bad mood all day. And to top it all off, I was sitting in my least favorite class with my least favorite teacher. I knew I still had a lot to do the rest of the day. I hadn’t been doing well emotionally and didn’t know how to even deal with what was happening. I was sitting in my seat, listening to the drone of my teacher when all of a sudden, everything that was happening swelled up in me and directed itself at one simple desire: I want a cupcake . And I’m not talking about a, “Man, a cupcake sounds good now.” I’m talking about needing a cupcake. As if every problem in my life would melt away with that sweet fluffy cupcake and creamy frosting. I could no longer even attempt to listen to my teacher. I wanted, no, needed a cupcake. Class finally ended and I walked back to my room, images of a cupcake still burned into the back of my brain. I grabbed my piano bag, knowing that worship would get my mind off my craving. I walked through the music hallwa...

I’m sitting in my dorm room, alone. Clothes are everywhere, a Cheez-it box is sitting next to me, and there are more scarves in here than pairs of shoes. It really is home. My roommate is back and I see her everyday. I didn’t realize how much I really missed her until now. Now that I have her again. And I get to see her plan her wedding and fall more in love with her fiancé. And we will stay up late looking at youtube videos that 10 year-olds made. And we will sit on our beds and talk. About how we got to where we are. About what Jesus is going to do. About what we’ve missed in each other. But we won’t talk about boys, I won’t let us. That’s my rule this year. I’m not losing myself in looking for that. It is dangerous and foolish. It’s easy not to talk about it, but not thinking about it is another struggle entirely. How is it that our thoughts can so easily turn from the one truly majestic, beautiful, powerful, Creator who will be our ultimate Bridegroom to people who will let ...

This summer has been so busy, posting new blogs hasn't really been a priority. Summer has been sweet and rich. Road trips and Rock Band. Late-night movies and early-morning runs. Lazy days by the pool and busy days with friends and work. Mosquito bites and sunburns. Laughter and tears. But this summer was so much more than the stereotypical summers that most people have. I went into this summer wanting to change, to grow. To transform. That was my prayer from the day I moved all my stuff home from those dorms. And it’s happened. Jesus has grown me, stretched me, moved me, filled me, and shaken me. I am so different. I could write a book on everything I’ve learned this summer. Ok, maybe not a book. But it would fill up a few more than one blog post. In short, God has answered my prayer, like He always does. I am in awe when I look back at where I was only three months ago. How do I come back from such a refreshing retreat? How do I transition from my vacation with Jesus to real lif...

Some people just make me stressed and anxious. People that overthink things and constantly have to spit out some carefully worded message that defines their current problem. It just makes me want to run away and watch a sunset or something. People make things too complicated. I used to do that. I took little problems. I would blow them up and draw them out. I made them much bigger than they were. I over-thought them. It was miserable. Today my friend and I rode our bikes to Village Inn. We tried a different route home and got lost. It was 10:15 pm and we were stuck in the middle of a suburban neighborhood. It was great. We would try a street, realize it wasn't right, and turn back around. No whining, no wishing we hadn't tried this new way, we just kept biking. It was fun. We smiled blissfully as each street took us farther away from our destination. We even ended up at my old house. We laughed as the street we were supposed to be on came to a dead end. Our mini-workout became ...

The other night I was laying in bed. I couldn't sleep, my late-night Dr. Pepper had taken hold of me. My mind kept going and going, a result of the sugar. I knew I wouldn't be sleeping well that night and had given up trying. I was attempting to make use of my time by praying, but my mind couldn't focus. All of a sudden, a feeling swelled in my belly. I don't even know what I was thinking of, really. I just started dreaming about my future in general. Nothing that specific, just my future. Usually, when I used to dream, I dreamt with fear. Fear of if what I was dreaming wouldn't come true. But this was different. It was peaceful. It was exciting. This time, I knew that if what I was thinking about didn't come true, better things would come along. The feeling in my belly took awhile to go away, and I didn't really want it to go away. Sure, it kept me awake. But it was the best feeling I'd felt in a long time. It wasn't really a feeling either. It was ...

Oh dear it has been much too long. Life has been almost dizzying, but good. I thank God that He answers prayers, that He sees desires, and hears cries. I am changing, I can feel it. It is such a good change. I am realizing my inability to please Him on my own, and my NEED (I wish there was a stronger word for this) for His Spirit to do it for me. I'm realizing it's not about doing, it's about stopping. Stop trying, stop striving, just surrender to His glory. How blissfully freeing it is to just stop and let Him move. To admit that I, along with my attempts at good deeds, come up overwhelmingly short. How wonderful it is to know that I don't have to do this anymore; He will. And, oh, His glory. His beauty. His majesty. They fill me when I surrender. I feel so small when I think of how big He is. But I think that's how it's supposed to be. The smaller I am, the smaller my desires, my will, and my plans are. And His grow ever so bigger. I don't want to go back ...