whitney dziurawiec

Today I was running through unplowed sidewalks and iced over driveways on a slant (my favorite), I was keenly aware of people staring at me. Just, driving by and staring at me. Have you never seen someone running before?!?!?! I realized halfway through my run that their stares were not ones of admiration, nor lust, nor any good reason to stare at someone. I remembered what stared back at me in the mirror just before I left.. Two huge sweatshirts on (and the infamous "hooded jacket underneath a non-hooded jacket so the underneath jacket's hood comes over the top of the top jacket" look), two pairs of pants, and what looked to be like a fifth grade boy's ear muffs. Yeah, they were probably staring at my fashion choices. I ran by another guy with a sweet, sleek, yellow jacket and a nice hat. His pants looked warm but awesome. I felt horribly underdressed for the occasion. Apparently there is fashion involved in working out now. I sighed. I feel like I've just gotten ...

It’s 2:20 in the morning on Christmas Day. I can’t sleep. It’s probably because I consumed my weight in sugar and chip dip tonight. I need to work out; I have a bridesmaids dress to fit into. I’m restless. A myriad of thoughts are coursing through my brain, knocking on the door of my soul. Questions, so many questions, prod my heart. Worries scratch at my spirit. I am weary. But somehow, there’s strength. Just enough strength. My friend confided in me today. What do I do when it feels like He’s just not there? When it seems like He’s letting me down? When I feel disappointed? Oh, sister. I’m not quite sure what we’re supposed to do. But it reminds me of the four hundred years of silence in the Bible. Not a few days. Or months. Or years. Centuries of nothing from Him. Not a word, not a prophecy. Utter silence. What was God possibly doing during those years? He’s God. Couldn’t He…speed things up? What could He be doing that needed four HUNDRED years before His Son would com...

It’s time to start reading. I went on a book spree at Parables today. Or is it Parable? The sign says Parable and the wall says Parables. Anyways. I’m realizing I need help. And that I’m not perfect. So I bought some books that will help reveal the ways I need to change. It’s just been me and Him and His Word lately, which are great and wonderful. I rely a lot on my experiences to mold me, but I think if I could learn some things by reading, I wouldn’t have to learn the hard way. That’s my hope, at least. But I think we all need some outside sources every once in awhile anyways. Some things to convict us, to talk straight to us. To ask us those hard questions most humans wouldn’t ask me to my face. One of the books was hard for me to even pick up off the shelf. I’m not sure why. But I’m starting. Two are fiction, two are to help me grow. And I’m getting a devotional for Christmas. And I’m asking Him to move. A lot.

Today I probably should have stayed in bed. But people needed to be seen, miles had to be driven, and a church seat had to be filled. So I summoned the strength to get up while my sinuses, my nose, my throat, my head, and my body in general screamed at me to stay down. I spent most of the day in the car, thinking or singing or talking with people. It’s one of those desperate days, those days you just can’t do it without Him. Though these days I’m sure are precious to Him, I just wish I was easily joyful like I had been a few weeks ago. The joy is still there, but it’s not a giggly, happy, smiley joy. It’s one of hope and trust. One of choosing to be ok, choosing to let, choosing to believe. I’m reading more about the children of Israel, and I’ve been thinking about manna lately. How God fed His children while they were in the desert was beautifully miraculous. Every morning, a miracle of this bread-like food was sitting on the ground as their breakfast. Every evening, quails “cove...

I’ve been thinking a lot about the children of God and Jericho today. And the weird and seemingly useless things they had to do to get those walls to come down. Walk around for seven days. Yet nowhere in the Bible does it say they questioned God, nor asked Him what the purpose was of walking around those walls. They didn’t ask Him to tear down the walls without their daily walks. They just…did it. And we still don’t know why God wanted them to walk around. We have our guesses, I’m sure. But why exactly He made them walk around, we won’t know on this side of heaven. Some of them had to wonder. Question a LITTLE. They were human. They had to. But they still obeyed. I don’t want to be caught complaining or doubting or asking. I want to be the one in front, leading the people around in what seemed to be useless because I fully and completely trust in Him that it is not. I want to be the trumpet blower. Today I went running in the -7 degree wind chill. People looked at me like I w...

It’s December again. The winds are howling, the snow is blowing, and I realized that I completely forgot I have a blog. Oops. My clothes are waiting for me to put them away. There is a bridesmaids dress sitting on the end of my bed that should be hung up. I need to read my Bible and brush my teeth and get to bed on time. I am at a loss, though. It’s one of those points where I know there’s nothing I can do. Where all of me wants to be somewhere else, doing something else, with someone else, but that’s just…not happening right now. And as much as all of me, ALL OF ME, wants to be there, I know I can’t. I won’t for awhile, if ever. I’m tired and emotional. Secular songs make me cry because I’m sick of trying to change their meaning into something that would apply for me. Christian songs make me cry because I’m having a hard time believing the truths they so cheesily and loudy proclaim. Praying makes me cry, because I know I’m failing Him, and talking to Him reminds me of that. Si...